


heart of glass // mind of stone

by Pinkmanite



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Comfort, M/M, self doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-11 08:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16472429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkmanite/pseuds/Pinkmanite
Summary: “Hey Matty, you good?”Auston blinks at him. “Uh yeah?” But he doesn’t mean for it to sound like a question. Shit. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He tries.





	heart of glass // mind of stone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dannybsdadbod](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannybsdadbod/gifts).



Nobody likes a drought, but Auston in particular does not quite handle them well.

It’s not like he thinks he’s immune to them or something. Everyone has droughts, everyone gets stuck in a funk sometimes. At least, that’s what Auston keeps telling himself; a mantra that Babs made him repeat back to him until he decided that it sounded enough like Auston really meant it.

Auston doesn’t know if he means it.

Well, that doesn’t give him enough credit. He  _ wants _ to mean it, and he doesn’t want to get too worked up about it, but it’s not as easy as just willing it away. No matter how hard he tries to justify it, no matter how hard he tries to distract himself, there’s still that little bit, the tiniest nag, deep in the back of his head, underlying the rest of his thoughts.

It’s just not that easy.

They’re in the locker room, getting ready for morning skate, and it’s still pretty early so Auston’s just starting to unload his bag. He doesn’t notice when Freddie comes up to his stall, so he startles a little when Freddie bumps shoulders with him. 

“Hey Matty, you good?”

Auston blinks at him. “Uh yeah?” But he doesn’t mean for it to sound like a question. Shit. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He tries. 

But Freddie just gives him a look, mostly concerned but a little confusion. “Just checking,” he pauses, choosing how to navigate his words. “But if you change your mind…”

“Yeah,” Auston nods quickly, mostly just wanting the attention off of him. “I know.”

Freddie looks like he’s not quite satisfied with ending it there, but eventually he purses his lips and lets it go. “Alright. See you on the ice.” 

Auston watches him return to his stall. 

It’s not like Auston intends to make it weird. He doesn’t mean to get extra self conscious as he dresses. And he knows Freddie didn’t intend for that either. But now it feels like everyone is watching him, looking for any sign that something’s wrong with him. Looking for the reason that’s Auston Matthews seems to be  _ broken.  _

He takes a breath. He’s got to get ahold of himself. 

So Auston does his best to tune out the room, even pops in his AirBuds and starts blasting the first thing he can, whatever the hell he’d last left playing on Spotify. It’s trappy and rumbly and loud; it does what Auston needs it to do. 

He finishes with his gear, puts on his game face, and hits the ice. 

 

~

 

The nice thing about hockey — generally, anyway — is that it’s always a constant, something that’s always natural. So even when hockey is technically the root of Auston’s stress, hockey is also his cure. 

Well. Maybe not so much a  _ cure _ but at least a solid symptom manager. 

Point is, the minute Auston feels ice beneath his feet, the heaviness on his shoulders melts away and he can finally breathe again. 

It’s sharp, the cold air, but it’s familiar. It’s good. 

They go through drills. To be fair, Auston is still objectively good at hockey. He’s good at drills and he looks good on ice. His coaches assure him of this, his teammates, too. He knows if, himself. 

And honestly? That’s what makes it worse. Nothing is wrong, but somehow nothing seems to work. 

It’s frustrating. 

But Auston feels at home on ice, so he tries to squander it all down and focus on the pleasant parts, the parts that refuel him and rejuvenate him and get him out of his head. 

It’s good, and it works, well enough that when Auston comes off he’s laughing along with Mitchy and the crew, shooting the shit and having a genuine good time. It helps, and Auston would never admit it, but it  _ does _ . 

So when practice wraps up and everyone goes home, their own separate ways, Auston feels the weight start to creep in again, steadily heavier and heavier. The last thing he needs is to go home to his empty apartment to be left to himself and the never-ending reel of disappointed sports analysts coming for his head.  

Sometimes Auston wants to offer it up himself. Wrapped up with a bow and everything.

But  Freddie catches him in the locker room, right when he shrugs his bag over his shoulder and is about to head out. 

“Hey wait, Matty,” Freddie says, “Lunch?” 

Auston almost says no, because what does Freddie think he’s doing? Auston half expects this to be an emotional ambush, a couple awkward pats on the back between media answers. He’s  _ so _ not in the mood for that. 

But then Freddie stares him down, not in a mean way or anything, but more of a ‘this is in your best interest and you better just say yes’ way. It’s enough for Auston to give in. 

It’s just lunch. Relax, Matts. 

He does, relax that is, because as soon as he agrees, Freddie grins, relieved, and starts leading Auston to his car. 

“My treat,” Freddie tells him once he slides into the passenger side. “Wanna do burgers?”

Auston does, but they  _ do _ have a game later. He’s about to counter offer, but Freddie’s already turning the corner and talking again. 

“Good, burgers it is,” he declares, before Auston even gets a word out. 

“Game day?” Auston tries weakly. 

“Treat yourself for once, Matts.” Freddie shrugs. 

“Yeah, okay,” Auston acquiesces. “Burgers.”

 

~

 

Freddie pulls into the parking lot and Auston recognizes the place immediately. 

“Oh,” he says. “Me and Mitchy used to come here all the time.”

“Oh?” But Freddie doesn’t sound very surprised at all. “I like this place.”

“Same,” Auston agrees, considering. “Are you just doing this for me? You don’t have to.”

But Freddie doesn’t give anything away, shrugs again. “Not everything has to be about something.”

Auston gives him a funny look but doesn’t push it further. Not when he’s a few minutes from having his burger, anyway. 

Okay, yeah, Freddie was right. Treat yourself day. 

Freddie keeps the conversation light and most importantly, away from hockey. It’s a welcome distraction, and a solid one, too. He asks after Auston’s family, his sisters, and it’s easy for Auston to jump into. 

He doesn’t notice right away, but Freddie’s grinning at him, so Auston stops mid-sentence and gives him a look. “What?”

“Nothing,” Freddie says, “you’re just really happy talking about your family. It’s really nice.”

Auston can feel the heat in his cheeks but he hopes it doesn’t show. “Oh,” he says. “Thanks?”

“Yeah,” Freddie shrugs. “Now what were you saying about Bre and the snake?”

Auston laughs, and picks up where he left off. 

 

~

 

“Wanna come over?”

Auston’s barely buckled his seat belt, but when he looks over, Freddie’s looking at him, and it’s a little soft, maybe even a little hopeful. 

It’s a game day, so Auston is conflicted. He  still has to nap and go through his routine, but he’s not quite ready to leave Freddie yet. He likes his company, Freddie is warm, Freddie is calming. Freddie  _ knows _ how to calm him. 

“You can nap at mine and I can even drop you off at yours later?” Freddie says, practically reading Auston’s mind.

So Auston agrees, and relaxes back into his seat, not even realizing the tension in his body until it’s melting away. 

The rest of the drive is quiet, but it’s a comfortable enough silence. Freddie has the radio on low, just whatever default pop station, and he subconsciously bops his head to the music. Drums his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat, murmurs along to the the words. 

Auston’s flicking through his phone but he steals a few glimpses, stares for as long as he can without Freddie noticing. It’s cute, it’s really pretty cute, so Auston figures he can’t be blamed for soaking it up as much as he possibly can. 

“Hey,” Freddie laughs, when he finally does catch Auston staring. “Admiring the art?”

Auston rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, too. 

“Something like that.”

It’s not too far from Freddie’s, so they get there quickly enough. Auston’s been over before, more times than he can remember, so he automatically follows Freddie to the elevators, dutifully turns the correct corner to get to Freddie’s unit. 

“Make yourself comfy,” Freddie gestures to his space. “I’m just gonna change real quick.”

He disappears down the hall, so Auston dutifully crashes the couch, spreads out and starts hoarding some pillows. He finds the remote where it usually is, so he flicks it on and leaves it wherever Freddie had it last. 

_ “—break this down, and maybe figure out what’s up with Matthews.” _

Oh. 

It’s Sportsnet, and really Auston should change it. He knows better. He should throw on Netflix or HGTV or literally anything else. 

But he’s stuck frozen. He doesn’t. He  _ can’t.  _

“Hey, what’s— oh fuck.” And that’s Freddie, padding back into the living room and snatching up the remote where Auston had left it. He switches it off immediately, then plops down onto the couch right next to Auston, pulls him in without hesitation. 

“You shouldn’t be watching that.”

“I know,” Auston says, quiet. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Freddie sighs, more observant than accusatory.

“Probably would be better,” Auston sighs, dejected. 

But Freddie won’t have any of that. He makes a face, then pulls Auston even closer, until he’s practically in his lap. 

“You don’t have to be perfect all the time.”

“But I want to be. Toronto wants me to be.”

Freddie shakes his head, then rests his chin on top of Auston’s. “Toronto doesn’t have the right to demand that from you. Even if it thinks it does.”

“But—“

“ _ But, _ you’re only human. It’s okay, Matts.”

“It doesn’t feel okay.”

It’s quiet for a minute, and Auston can practically hear his own heartbeat. 

But then Freddie speaks up again, quiet but there. “For what it’s worth,” he pauses, swallows, and Auston can feel it at the back of his head. “ _ I’m _ proud of you.”

Auston breathes in a little sharply. He’s doesn’t mean to be a brat, but. “But for what?”

Freddie buries his face in the crook of Auston’s neck and Auston lets him, even leans so he has more space. He’s warm and he’s there and Auston can feel him all around him. It’s good. 

“For lots of things. For your kindness, to your friends and your family. Your loyalty to team. For your laugh and your smile when you let yourself have a good time. For being you.”

Freddie’s voice is low, a soft murmur that rumbles over the soft skin on Auston’s neck. It’s a lot, almost overwhelming but right at the edge where it’s perfect and welcome. Auston shivers. 

He feels Freddie’s lips, just brushing at his earlobe. “Hey, can I kiss you?”

Auston tilts his head back, all the way until he can lock eyes with Freddie. “Yes, please.”

So Freddie leans down, kisses him gentle and sweet but warm and firm and everything Auston loves. 

They make out on the couch like that for a while, but then there’s an iPhone ringer, and Freddie pulls back, reluctant, to shut it off. 

“You know what that means,” he says, apologetic. 

But Auston doesn’t mind, he feels looser, feels a little brighter. More than content, and probably fuzzy all over, too, not that he’d ever admit it. So he shakes off slowly, stretches out the kinks and aches. 

“Nap time,” Auston confirms. He’s up and already halfway down the hall to Freddie’s room. “So come cuddle me.” It’s not quite a whine but it’s nearly there. Auston knows Freddie doesn’t mind, though, he knows that Freddie will take it as a good sign, a sure indicator that he’s back to himself. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” Freddie laughs, more than happy to follow him, and not just right now, not just for nap. 

But to the edge of the world, too, if he asked. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hey dannybsdadbod, I hope I did these two justice for you! ilu!!!
> 
> also a big thank you to the mods for running this awesome exchange! yall did a fantastic job <3


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